That’s right everybody…welcome. You have read that correctly. I am totally preggers.
Almost a year after writing the blog post about the pressures of people expecting you to have children, I caved to the pressure and moved myself over to fit in the typical married woman box and got myself knocked up.
I joke of course. Children were always part of the plan.
I know it is now traditional to make a grand Facebook post, declaring the joy and delight to announce that we are expecting. I however, am going to post you a collage of my vom faces, that I send to people who ask me how I’ve been feeling.
(Please note…we are obviously very excited, and personally I feel very privileged to be able to be going through this really, really weird, messed up process. Before anyone decides to report my pre-motherhood views to social services. Also note…that last photo was taken on Christmas day, after a mega vom sesh, praying to Father Christmas that Lucozade will rescue me and let me eat my tofurkey lunch).
Now is your opportunity to escape this blog. Here is your warning! If you do not want to hear about the ins and gross outs of what has been happening. Then runaway!!!
To give you an idea of the general vibe of this post, here is the first things I googled after the wee stick spoke to us.
That is correct. The first thing I googled was ‘I’ve just found out I’m pregnant what the hell do I do?’ Within the same minute I removed the ‘what the hell’, part and just made it ‘what do I do?’. I can only imagine because I didn’t want google to question my aggressive parenting enquires. Ten minutes later, and my mind had gone straight to the very badly named ‘morning sickness’. My long time fear of being pregnant.
As a non pregnant woman, I would throw up because I was:
- Too full
- In a car
- On a train
- On a plane
- On a boat
- Walking too fast
So add pregnancy into the mix and you are looking at one very, very, green looking gal.
At 5 weeks and 6 days preggo, I went out for dinner. I had a veggie chimichanga. It was delicious. The very next day…the tidal wave of sick began.
Now, I was not naive going into this, I was fully aware that ‘morning sickness’ was not confined to morning for many. I did not expect however, the level of sickness I reached. It wasn’t just the nausea and actual vomming that got to me, it was the, at points, not even being able to keep water down, which led to dehydration, and with that came the headaches, dizziness, inability to string sentences together, and tiredness incomparable to anything I have ever felt. All whilst listening to everyone saying about how its worth it in the end, because what else do you say to someone at that point to make it seem better? At that point it felt like the end was 6 years away. In all honesty it felt like survival, surviving a day on a handful of haribo, a scoop of icecream, or a satsuma if I was feeling crazy.
I gave in at the nine week mark and headed to the GP, who in a fantastically patronising way, asked if it was my first baby, and then continued to open up Google, and read to me from the NHS website, first trimester symptoms.
Yep, cheers love. Really helpful.
She followed it up and asked me to jump on the scales, she went from her screen, which had my weight on when I first went to the doctors at week five, to the scales three times, and realising I was near enough a stone lighter, suddenly changed tone and gave me multiple options to help control what was happening.
A prescription of anti nausea tablets later, and a little bit of relief. Some days they worked and I was only sick eight to ten times. Other days they did nothing and I was back to the fifteen plus vom days. My record was a whopping twenty three times.
I found ways to cope, and a lot of that was based on learning what was good to throw up and what was not. Tea was shunned, worse that than. Banned from my life. Tea is one of the worst things to throw up, it comes back still hot, and nine times out of ten. Out of your nose. Rice crispies on that note, you would think would be fairly inoffensive. They come back remarkably whole. Also, don’t forget that you’ve eaten something that was red colour, in this case, red grapes. You will think that you are internally bleeding when your sick comes back red.
Being this sick all the time has led me naturally into some pre-motherhood training, in being prepared for any situation. I carried a preggo survival bag, which had emergency sick bags, mouthwash, baby wipes. I’ve learnt the hard way, there is not always a toilet to rush to at all times.
Fantastic places I’ve thrown up:
- At a petrol station, behind the car, mid fill up
- In a bag for life in Sainsburys
- The hard shoulder of the M11 and the M25
- Pretty much every persons house I have visited for the last 3 months
- On the dog.
So that sums up my sick time…I mean first trimester.
Everybody will be delighted to hear that now I’m 18 weeks, and it has started to ease. I’ve got it down to an average four voms a day, and it is mainly contained to the morning, with the occasional evening vom sesh if I’m not careful with what I eat. So with that, I happily end the sick chat. I hope you have loved every moment. I for sure, have not.
Another strange preggo thing that I have been learning to live with is, you suddenly get a lot of feelings when you’re pregnant. Of course the usual, joy, wonder, life creating blah blah. I’m talking different feelings. Ones that make my eyes cry. I am not an emotional person, and maybe that is why this has really been noticeable to me. It takes a lot to make me cry, it takes a lot to make me angry. I live my life at a general middle of the road, sarcastic, mildly annoyed, medium happy. But these days, Jesus! Here is just a snippet of things I’ve cried at.
- I couldn’t find the socks I wanted
- Savage Garden
- Stacey Dooley dancing a fantastic pasodoble on Strictly.
- Cried at the fact that I cried when I couldn’t find the socks I wanted.
- A text message that somebody else sent, to someone that I don’t know.
- General frustration, from people saying stupid things, quoted as ‘advice’.
The final strange preggo thing that I have encountered has been how people expect you to let everyone know you are pregnant. Potentially one of the oddest parts of this so far.
I have been open with pretty much everyone about the fact that I’m pregnant. To be fair, it would have been very hard to disguise thanks to vomit face, and that I drink all of the god damn time. I don’t turn a drink down, so the minute I did, eyebrows were raised, and I’m shit at keeping secrets.
I didn’t feel the need to keep it secret until the twelve week ‘safe’ place. I know people who have lost babies early, and I know some who have lost babies really late in their pregnancies. I think it is completely up to the person to make the decision of when they want to tell people. What I didn’t expect is for some who found out early to more or less recoil in horror that I was letting people know. One person even responded with ‘I won’t talk about it until its definite’. My response being, ‘Oh sorry, I didn’t realise this bit was a maybe.’
Then my favourite, favourite, favourite thing has been that people haven’t been speaking about it openly, or letting anyone else know, because I haven’t put anything on social media. They had been perfectly keeping a non secret…secret. So this is for you guys.
We are now officially having a baby.
With that, I leave you all, waiting for my first vom free day since 15th November 2018.
It really has been a beautiful journey.